Stuck at home with your significant other and starting to feel a little cabin fever? Maybe you're starting to wonder why you selected the partner you did? Maybe things are so bad, you're tired of looking at his/her face?
Well put a blindfold on or pull a paper bag over their head (note: paper, not plastic), get naked, and get busy.
"The best solution if you're holed up with your significant other in quarantine is to have sex. You'll live longer, get rid of the tension, certainly get some stories (DR. OZ!), maybe you'll make some babies. It's certainly better than staring at each other and getting on each other's nerves."
SEX, of course!
If there's one thing Titanic taught us it's that during a crisis the best thing you can do is get down before shit goes down.
The ship (or in our case the world) was sinking, some people were quarantined inside their tiny cabins (shoutout my fellow New Yorkers) waiting for the inevitable, others ran around like vicious lunatics looking for boats (or in our case toilet paper) while completely freaking the fuck out.
Not Jack and Rose. They were calm and organized throughout the entire fiasco, using axes and benches to save their lives as well as those of complete strangers. How? By getting it on and riding that post-sex bliss straight into the icy waters of the Atlantic Ocean. Sure Jack died in the end, but I bet he was pretty happy.
Well, you too can be that happy with the power of sex!
Or, at the very least, you'll pass the 4-5 minutes in a constructive way that will leave you tension-free while simultaneously extending your life.
So even if you don't have a Jessica Alba (or Chris Evans) waiting for you in bed or the perfect girl next to you...
... remember she/he is probably sick of you too, but that's not what this is about. This is about your health and well-being. You aren't doing it for love, you're doing it for your life and for the lives of those all across the world who are lover-less.