If You're A Penguin, You're Loving The Coronavirus

Any time you get the Shedd Aquarium in the news you get to immediately run back my #1 video in Barstool Sports history. So let me do that real quick and pay the Big Cat tax. 

"It's the ones you can't pet that you want to pet" 

It's been nearly 7 years since the stingray record was shattered in July of 2013. Rumor has it officials considered closing the Shedd the very next day to honor the accomplishment. But the aquarium remained open - The Show Must Go On said a dolphin tamer from Coral Gables named Geoffrey

It's pronounced Jeff 

Now fast forward to present day. A lot of people thought if Big Cat couldn't shut it the fuck down then, nothing would ever shut down the Shedd. 

Well guess what.

We were all wrong. The Shedd amongst virtually everything else worth a field trip is now closed.

Of the 21 things on that list, nearly everything has already been closed indefinitely save for maybe Medieval Times depending if they qualify as a Restaurant by definition of the state legislature. It's a complicated mess, but my point remains: there's nowhere to take a decent field trip. In the process, an entire generation of kids lose out on critical social development that can only be achieved on the back of a yellow school bus en route to the planetarium. It's a goddamn shame which brings me back to the penguins. 

It's cute that they're waddling around and having fun, but generally speaking I think penguins are kind of overrated. From 30,000 feet you get this heartfelt impression of them wearing tuxedos and being all sophisticated and shit. But just a small taste of David Attenborough's work and you quickly realize they live a ruthlessly brutal life with not much to envy

Don't confuse this with Respect. 

I will always respect a flightless bird with a strong global population. 

But generally speaking I think there are much stronger birds out there that don't get a fraction of the playing time. Peregrine Falcon much? Does a Harpy Eagle move your needle? Or can I just leave you with this nightmare fuel and the agreement that Danny DeVito ruined penguins for a lot of kids in the 90's

Yes. That's Frank.