Locked Down And Horny? People Are Having Lots Of Trouble Being Home And Not Jerking Off Until It Bleeds

For most of the country and those of us who have been responsible, (SMH at Dana B and Barstool Chicago), we've been pretty well isolated over the last couple of days. This is only the beginning, folks, so buckle in. 

My DMs and email have been flooded with questions about what to do in the face of such a threat. The main question that I keep getting is much like twitter use Qweeniesw0rld. She says, 

Let me be the first to say... Same. 

Being horny is normal. Don't let people tell you otherwise. But, you should not be beating the fuck outta your meat whether that meat is made of penis material or vagina matter. The rules are the same. 2 beats a day will keep the doctor at bay. 

But, what else is there to do? Well, I came up with a few ideas for you! 

1. Ever heard of a puzzle, you piece of shit? I fucking love a good puzzle. I usually start with the corner pieces and work my way in. You can get this puzzle right now on the low, low. 

2. Play a board game with your family! For me, I love a good game of Sorry or Trouble. Candy Land is also a huge hit but if you need to switch it up, might I suggest a lesser-known classic?

3. If you are feeling a little tired of sitting, I get that. Sometimes you gotta keep the blood flowing. If that's the case, pin the tail on the donkey can be fun! 

89 percent positive reviews. Incredible. 

4. You can watch a movie! I love movies that have a historical lean. One that got a lot of attention but people dont really talk about much more, is one of Mel Gibson's best. I think it's on Netflix but you can ask KenJac to make sure. 

Anyway, there's plenty to do when you are horny. You just gotta keep on going. Give your genitals a rest. I know it's hard but just leave it alone for a little bit. It's not going anywhere and neither are you.