Sarah Palin Sang "Baby Got Back" on "The Masked Singer" Because 2020 is Deep Fried Hell

I like early 90s rap. I was a fan of Sir Mix-a-Lot even before he was knighted by the Queen. I admire grandmas in their mid-50s who can still bring it. And I still fantasize about making sweet, sweet love to Sarah Palin while she makes passionate appeals for gun owners' rights, American exceptionalism and traditional family values. And yet our existence in 2020 is so toxic, it was able to somehow ruin even these magical elements being brought together. 

Approximately 100 seconds after this aired, the President of the United States spoke from the Oval Office to discuss the WHO declaring a worldwide pandemic and he banned travel from Europe. This on top of our nation's most beloved celebrity announced he and his wife have Coronavirus. Plus the NBA shutting down. The NCAA announcing it will play in empty arenas. St. Paddy's Day parades being canceled. Schools closing. My son's college is telling him to come back from break to live in his dorm, eat in the dining hall, attend Mass, but take classes online. And Tom Brady rumored to be going to a Florida city famous for Waffle Houses, personal injury lawyers with offices in strip malls and nudie bars. 

So we should've seen this coming. 

Of course the woman who was a few dozen electoral votes away from being second in line to the Commander-in-Chief's job three elections ago shows up as The Pink Bear singing a song about big round asses. It's the most 2020 thing that could've happened, so it happened. Because if you believe in the multiverse model of the cosmos, with infinite parallell universes all existing simultaneously, we find ourselves in the worst reality. And it's only getting worse.

I'm considering self-quarantining until at least 2022.