The Sun- Like most of Britain, Eddy Chapman has been baffled by terrified shoppers clearing supermarket shelves in the wake of the coronavirus crisis – which has so far seen 206 people infected by the deadly bug. But now, he’s come up with a genius plan to halt the hoarding at Chapmans Funland amusement arcade in Bridlington, East Yorkshire.
The arcade owner has replaced the stuffed animals in the Eddy's Maxx Grab machine with rolls of loo paper – which punters can try to grab for just 30p a go. Eddy, 34, said it was a way to spread some cheer in currently worrying times. He said: “I think all this panic buying of toilet roll has been loo-dicrous, and so came up with this idea to hopefully get people to calm down.”
Congratulations humanity, we officially made it to the point where toilet paper has made its way into the most precious real estate in the entire arcade: The claw machine! There is no better indicator of what the hottest shit is in the streets than by what big money claw machines have inside of them and what the big prizes are at carnivals/boardwalks. Those prizes catch the public's eye, sucks them right in, and then spits them right out after taking their money since claw machines are pretty much the closest thing we have to legally stealing someone's money.
I don't care if this cheeky chap is being serious or having a laugh at the blokes buying up all the TP and bottled water while us normals have to go down a ply at a different store because of panic buying. The fact that somebody may actually play the most frustrating game in the universe in order to have a clean butt is proof positive that the Coronavirus should just wipe mankind off the map. I'd rather have the fate of my asshole in the hands of Edwin Diaz getting a save in a big spot than in the hooker loose grip of a claw game. Cuncel da entire human race for making this an actual reality. I am officially #TeamCoronavirus.