Princeton Tells Students to Stay Home After Spring Break Over Coronavirus Fears

Well now shit is getting real. 

We've all be asked to make sacrifices in this frightening time. We're told to wash our hands. Use sanitizer. Sneeze into our elbows. You know, basically do the things any sane, civilized person should do. While packing ourselves into the same crowded subway cars like the strips in a bacon package, to get to our jobs in densely populated offices, stores, hospitals, schools and factories as always, and doing all the things we've always done to live our lives as productive citizens. 

But as you go about your busy day taking common sense precautions to stay safe and healthy the way the experts are telling you to, just be grateful you don't have to make real sacrifices like the poor students and faculty at Princeton. They're at such high risk of contracting this virus that they have to stay home. While you're earning a living and silently praying the guy behind you on the elevator is coughing into his sleeve, these Ivy Leaguers have to move back in with their parents and Skype into lectures.

I guess it's the only reasonable approach though. Granted, they haven't had a single case. And this is a virus that disproportionately affects people age 60 and older. But you can't ask them to spend 20 seconds at the hand sink or otherwise use a rational approach like the rest of us. These are our best and brightest. The people who almost accepted Fresh Prince:

And who used Jack Donahy's voice to preserve the perfect American accent in case of a nuclear holocaust:

Let the other workplaces, schools, daycare centers and other daily public gatherings take place as before. But we need to shut down the Ivies for the good of all. Proactively. Long before there's any actual reason to. Our future depends upon it. 

So thoughts and prayers to all the students who'll be missing out. Not only on going to class, but also on parties, frat mixers, ragers and bad decision sex. Sure, they'll probably all still get course credits and graduate with Princeton degrees for a lot less works. But I ask you, at what cost?