You Can Relax: William Shatner DID Get All the Horse Semen in His Divorce Settlement

Source - Time to pony up.

William Shatner got horse semen as part of his divorce settlement with ex-wife Elizabeth Shatner, People reported.

The 88-year-old actor settled his divorce from Elizabeth on Tuesday and reached an agreement on how their assets would be divided. The “Star Trek” star will walk away with two of their horses, Renaissance Man’s Medici and Powder River Shirley, and two dogs, Macchiato and Double Espresso, as well as “all horse semen” and equipment used for horse breeding, according to court documents. ...

She can also visit the ranch to “occasionally harvest fruit” and visit the resting place of her first husband and horses who have passed, according to the website. ...

Filings show that the pair had a prenuptial agreement so neither will be receiving spousal support. His estimated net worth is over $100 million.

William filed for divorce in December 2019 after 18 years of marriage. They settled a month later.

Goddammit. Not only is William Shatner my favorite celebrity of all time, now he even does divorce better than all the rest. 

As a matter of fact, I'm so enamored of Shatner that when I was a little kid growing up on "Star Trek" reruns, I didn't want to be Kirk. He just seemed too unattainable. He was always boning hot alien chicks of ever color from one end of the galaxy to the other. But then in the end, he'd always dump them for his one true love, the Enterprise. He was cool and fearless and always at his very best in the most dire situations. I just couldn't set my sights that high. So Scotty was the guy I pretended to be. The side character with the funny lines who drank green space brandy, got into fist fights and always saved the day. That just seemed more realistic than being Kirk, who was an archetype of the super-achieving Alpha. 

And I know where those qualities came from: Shatner himself. Name another man worth $100 million who can end an 18 year marriage at the age of 88, and come away with everything. The ranch. His ex-wife's dead husband's grave. And all the horse semen. Not just some. Not half. They didn't split the semen baby, King Solomon style. He got every last, thick, silvery drop of it. Sure, the ex still had fruit picking privileges. But that's because Shatner understands you don't "win" a divorce. The best break up is the kind where you split amicably, or else everyone loses. 

But still, he totally won. Because she's going to have to be responsible for her own equine jizz, whereas he can wait out the apocalypse making all the foals an acting and singing legend could ever need. And even if that horse baby batter does run out, he's got all the equipment to fill those bottles again. He's a genius. 

How much do I admire Shatner? So much so that I don't want to ever meet him. Because I worry it'll be a crushing disappointment. Like the time my buddy Barstool great Uncle Buck asked at a ComicCon to sign his poster for "Star Trek IV: The One in the 80s with the Whales" or whatever with "Double Dumbass to You!" But Shatner refused. So no, I want to know him as my all time favorite celeb, starship captain, TJ Hooker and musical artist. 

And now, the recently divorced owner of a horse cum supply. Keep boldly going where no man has gone before, Shatner.