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Remember That Rapper Who Cut His Dick Off? Turns Out They Didn't Reattach It. But It's Cool Because Sex Is For Mortals And He's A God

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(Source) The Wu-Tang-affiliated rapper who chopped off his own penis has denied reports that doctors re-attached the member – but insists he sees it as a ‘blessing’. ‘I definitely believe sex is for mortals, and I am god. So this is a blessing, not a curse,’ Andre Johnson, who goes by the stage name Christ Bearer, told the New York Daily News. But he explained that he still has part of his penis left and can still get aroused. The 41-year-old Northstar rapper sliced off his genitalia inside his North Hollywood apartment on April 16 before jumping from the second floor, in what authorities branded a suicide attempt.But he has since rebutted the report, insisting that he was simply high on PCP. The psychedelic is known for causing people to jump from ledges because they think they can fly. ‘It’s a drug that I had stopped doing for years, but I just got back from Ohio and got back into that lifestyle for a few days,’ he told the Daily News. ‘It definitely was not wise.’

 

 

 

I like this Christ Bearer dude, he’s a glass half full kind of guy. Life hands him lemons, he makes Mike’s Hard. Oh shit I cut my dick off and now all I have left is this little stump that can kind of get aroused? Whatever, sex is for mortals anyway and I’m a deity now. He’s like a dickless Tom Sawyer, convincing us all that we’re the ones missing out on an awesome time even though it actually sucks. “Oh you guys still have a penis? Ha! Fucking losers, it’s so sweet just being a god and not having to worry about sex.” I guess he’s like Costanza when he’s celibate? Just all that time spent worrying about sex is now dedicated to doing things like walking on water and curing blindness. Not going to lie, I’m pretty intrigued and kind of convinced it works. Gonna go cut my dick off and test the theory, brb.

 

 

PS – “Doing drugs that lead to me cutting my dick off and jumping out of a building was definitely not wise.” Understatement of the century, bro.