The Clip Art Awards

Imagine, if you will, 1986. You excitedly power up your cadet gray IBM, a brisk 15 minutes pass, and you can finally sit back and read some nice lengthy documents. You’re living in the pinnacle of technology, thinking life cannot get any better. 

As you’re scrolling down the page, you see something unexpected, a stunningly beautiful doodle. Caught so off guard, you spit ice cold New Coke over all over your CRT monitor and Members Only jacket alike. You have experienced seeing Clip Art for the first time. Painstakingly crafted and curated images to be placed to break the monotony of Times New Roman size 12.

Unfortunately, since that day, Clip Art has gone greatly unappreciated, used solely to help students reach page counts, or swept under the rug in favor of fancy PowerPoints transitions.

But today, we are giving Clip Art the respect and appreciation it deserves by awarding superlatives, highlighting the last project they appeared on, and a brief description of why they won.

Most Athletic

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Kent State University
ENG-LIT 204, “Every Reason Wrestling is a Real Sport and Should Be Respected”, 1 Page paper, size 17 font, double spaced

Sitting directly centered on a crumpled paper that was turned in late, this art depicts the most masculine and athletic thing a man can do; breathing heavily whilst flailing with a peer. 

Biggest Flirt

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Arizona State University
Comm101 Powerpoint

Although she resides at the end of a C- presentation (highest grade in the class, ruining the curve), the only curves I want to wreck are on pretty-girl-red-top. And even if she’s 2D, she’s got 2 D’s to make up for it.

Mr. Reliable

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West Virginia University
Journalism 406, Thesis, “My Favorite Animal, The Turtel”

Placed midway through a paper riddled with spelling errors, this trusty tortoise will distract the reader from the fact that you’re a seventh year senior at an "institution" with a 98.9% acceptance rate, yet still cannot spell necessisary. It’s non-threatening stature, along with a color palette more neutral than a Milk Hotel in Switzerland, this is one of the most versatile choices in the Clip Arts library, making Old Brown Tortoise is a common choice for any presentation, paper, poster, or placard.

Most Likely to Succeed

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Abraham Baldwin Agricultural College
Intro to Insemination, “Ox Cocks, Rocks Off”

While most Clip Art are characterized by cartoonish features and bright palettes, this ox is strictly business. Audaciously and unapologetically exposed, this depiction is no-nonsense and straight to the point. Strictly business.

Most Loyal

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Brigham Young University
Doctrine & Morals 202, “What to Look for in Potential Wives”

This clip art depicts 2 modest women, looking stunning in boot cut pants, and both vying for the last name "Smith", leaving everything for the imagination. 

Best Dressed

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Notre Dame University
Intro To Theology, “No Free Handouts (Why I’m Giving Up Volunteering for Lent)” Paper

This adorable hollow resurrection treat, dressed to the nines, is just cute enough to distract from even the most blatant of self righteousness.

Most Likely to be Famous

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CDC Advisory Flyer

A late registration for the list, this illustration has been popping up from airports to zoos. Finally some limelight for the thing you've been pretending to do in the bathroom.