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Instagram With Chaps: Pumpkin Seed Tractor!

Well holy shit. Imagine my surprise thumbing through the ole Instagram discover section and coming across this bad boy. Truth be known, and I’m a big truth proponent, I had no idea this type of tractor was even needed. I mean, the research and development cost of a pumpkin seed tractor must be through the fucking roof. That’s not the type of machine you accidentally create. You do that in coordination with farmers, engineers, mechanics, business people, accountants, and lawyers. Oh man. The attorney’s fees alone on a project like this would take your socks clean off your fucking legs. Sockless Sam is what they’d call you even if your name was fucking Rick. Can you imagine? Getting a new name because of attorney’s fees? Whew.

It appears as though I have under estimated the pumpkin seed market share. With vegans eating every kind of seed they can get their broccoli-loving hands on, it’s no wonder why the pumpkin seed industry has exploded like a late season Halloween pumpkin that you fucked into pulp on the front porch of your quiet family home. After all, there is no spice without the pumpkin. There is no pumpkin beer without those sweet sweet seeds. That’s a fact, jack... o lantern.

God damn what a pumpkin placed joke that was right? Anyway, I’ll keep my eyes (which no longer have banana induced pinkeye) peeled for more interesting farm equipment. If you see anything that tickles your fancy on the gram, tag me. I need to see it too.

Love you always. Your friend, 


Ps. Need to spend a day with the fella who just keeps his eye open for pumpkins that are too small. That seems like a good gig if you can get it.

“How was your day, honey?”

“Great, Beth. Only 165 pumpkins that were too small in all 10 hours.”

“Oh that’s great, dear. Big pumpkins this year.”

Yeah, Beth. No fucking shit. She’s a god damn idiot, honestly. Sweet though. That goes without saying.