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Advice From Your Life Coach: Before Shoving a Kid into a Ball Pit, Find Out if His Dad is James Harrision

Pittsburgh - Police say a 25-year-old woman is facing charges for assaulting former Pittsburgh Steeler James Harrison’s child in a ball pit. ... [P]olice were called to Urban Air in Altoona for a disturbance between an adult woman and two children, according to the criminal complaint.

Urban Air is an indoor adventure park, according to its website.

According to the documents, Kaylani Gunning said the two children threw plastic balls at her and another child.

She then said she approached the juveniles and pushed them into the ball pit.

One of the children had a sprained right wrist as a result of the incident.

According to the complaint, the woman told police it “wasn’t her best choice” and she “thought it was funny.”

The 25-year-old is charged with simple assault, harassment, and disorderly conduct.

I suppose the rational, adult thing to say is you should never, under any circumstances, shove a child into a ball pit. Or anywhere, really, but especially a ball pit since those things are basically filled with bacteria and ecoli like a thousand squishy, spherical, multicolored petri dishes. 

But no, I'm not going to be an extremist on this issue. There could be plenty of reasons to do so. Reasons that make it a justifiable shoving. Self defense. Defending others, say if the kid was a child terrorist in training or something. Crime prevention, like if he was taking the indoor amusement park staff hostage. Retaliation, say if he killed a loved one of yours by throwing a plastic ball at them. Extreme cases, I know. I'm just simply pointing out not all shoves are created equal.

But in all cases where you think the ball pit push is warranted and would stand up in court, the important thing is to do your research. Know your enemy. Look before you make someone else's child make the leap. Definitely in all cases, size up that kid's father. If you think you can beat him in a fight, well then follow your conscience. If you can't, it's best to simply walk away from the situation. And in this situation, you are strongly advised to leave the area. Leave behind anything that is not absolutely necessary for your survival, get to your car and head for the nearest McDonald's Playland and away from this gentleman.

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That's not a legal advice or even proper etiquette; it's just for people who possess the instinct for self-preservation. The rule being that you don't pick fights with a man who every morning deadlifts a redwood tree with two four-bedroom, 2 1/2 bath Garrison Colonials with attached garages on either end. And who still has chunks of quarterback in his stool. 

So sure, Kaylani Gunning. I agree "it wasn't your best choice." And while you might have thought "it was funny," in the future try to pick on somebody my size and leave the massive towers of rage-fueled muscle fiber to somebody else. You'll thank me.