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We're Now Checking Gisele's IG Stories for Signs That #Braxit is Happening. Because the World Has Gone Mad

This is what it's come to. With 19 days left before free agency starts for the most significant football player of all time, we're caught in this endless time loop of 12 hour cycles in which someone reports a rumor, the world loses it's collective mind, someone else contradicts that report, and the world goes beserk. And still we haven't the first clue whether Tom Brady and his team have begun talks, plan to begin talks, or if he's planning on leaving New England. If #Braxit is going to happen. 

Which brings us to, of all places, Gisele's Instagram Stories, where she took questions. Having never taken part in one of her seshes, I imagine the questions are usually about health, fitness, motherhood, that kind of thing. This one - done from their Manhattan penthouse - focused on her and her husband's future. To the one above about where she expects to be living soon she answered, "I would love to know where I'm gonna be living this year, but I don't know that yet - hopefully somewhere nice. Wherever my husband is happy playing, so we will see."

Then came this one:

... she answered, “Yes, I love it. I’ve been living there for 12 years. My kids love it. They love the snow. As a Brazilian, I have a little harder time with the cold but I really can appreciate the beauty of the seasons there.” 

And there you have it. We're all caught up. Gisele doesn't know where TB12 plans on signing but she hopes it's someplace nice. Which should come as bad news to Tampa Bay. Because reading between the lines, "someplace nice" doesn't conjure up crime ridden hell holes filled with Waffle Houses, tittay bars, strip malls with Checks Cashed places and billboards of lawyers posing with their arms folded. 

But she doe like New England because we have four seasons. Of course, those of us who have to plow our own driveways or save our on street parking spots with a stool would gladly vote out one of them, but we're glad she's good with it. 

That's what we've got. This is news. I guess. Does it get us closer to a resolution of all this? No. Not one millimeter closer. So why am I posting this? 

For posterity. 

I want there to be a record of this moment in history. II want future generations to know what life consisted of in early 2020. I want my unborn grandchildren to know what their grandpa was doing in the Before Times. In those days before Alexa started The Purge and we found out coronavirus was being spread by Mike Bloomberg ads on YouTube and civilization collapsed. When they want to know what I was doing for the most successful media empire in the country while my co-workers were visiting NASDAQ, I want them to understand I was sitting in my house alone analyzing a Q&A between a Brazilian supermodel and her fans, searching for clues about where her husband plans to live in a few months. Because it was not only my job, it was the single most important question in my life. 

God help us. This can't end soon enough.