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Dana White Was Gifted a Custom Made Patriots-Themed AR-15 and I Couldn't Be More Jealous

Here it is, only the second day of Lent, when I'm supposed to be atoning for my sins. And already I'm committing another: Envy. Which, if "Se7en" taught me anything, is one of the big ones. But I'm guilty as charged.

In my defense, this is AR-15 Dana White got is so badass I can't help myself. The logo on the stock. The old logo engraved on the other side. The serial number is all the years of the six Super Bowls. "Time out" and "Game on" as the safety settings. How can any Pats fan see this and not want one of his/her own. 

Being the world's foremost Patriots writer has its privileges. No humble, just brag. You get gifted certain items from friends, family and internet strangers who understand you and know what your tastes are. Some store bought, some precious memorabilia, and some handcrafted by gifted artisans.  

A Christmas gift:

This print of the original Pat Patriot cartoon from 1960, signed by the artist:

These from two guys who made them for me:

Hand carved by my brother Jack to prove someone in the family as skills:

I had a guy come to my place to do some work awhile back and he told a mutual friend "Thornton's proptery looks like Gillette Stadium threw up on it." Well put. 

And as much as I appreciate the thoughts and effort of these generous individuals, I can't really feel like I've made it until I get the gift that truly keeps on giving: A lightweight, semi-automatic modern sporting rifle decked out in a Patriots motif. The 21st century's most popular rifle combined with it's most successful dynasty. I think most people who are anti-gun in general and anti-AR-15 in particular would change their mind if they held this custom work of art in their hands. They'd look at it like Ralphie Parker looked at the Red Ryder.

Suffice to say, Father's Day is a few months away. And if the Irish Rose and our two gun nut sons don't present me with one of these to defend our home with, I'll be questioning their love for me. At least Dana White knows how much he's loved.