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Larry Johnson Has Theories About Kobe, Beyonce and the Illuminati. Lots of Theories

If you've been following former Kansas City Chief Larry Johnson's post-football career, then you know he's a much more interesting numerologist/conspiracy theorist than he ever was as a running back. Which is saying something for a guy who had 1,700 yards in back to back seasons and once had 416 carries. 

Whether he's speculating the NFL will hand the Super Bowl to the 49ers so there'll be three teams with six championships, forming a neat little "666" or claiming it'll got to the Cowboys because their logo is an upside down pentagram:

... no theory is too nutty for Johnson's Twitter feed, making it a Must Follow. I mean, isn't a pentagram an upside down star? I guess it's all a matter of perspective. And Johnson's perspective is that of a cult leader telling his followers the Moon Goddess is about to swallow Gaia Earth and they must astral project themselves to a higher dimension of consciousness. 

Johnson's latest and freshest attempt at making with the takez involves Kobe Bryant. And you have to admit, it's hard to argue with. It's hard to argue with any nutjob theory you can't begin to unravel.

Not content to stop there, Johnson dug deeper. How do know Kobe Bryant was secretly working on behalf of the Prince of Darkness to ensnare us all into his web of evil? Beyonce's song choices were a dead giveaway. 

If you think those were songs were chosen because they're about romance and eternal love outlasting death, you'd better think again.

To think we all allowed ourselves to be lulled into thinking Beyonce's performance at the Kobe memorial was … what? A superstar saying goodbye to her friend and his daughter? A performer using her talents to pay tribute to a man who died all too young? WRONG. 

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It was all about complex math equations and Satan and the sun and pagan gods and obscure, quasi-religious tomes. Fortunately, we simpletons have Larry Johnson to unlock the codes for us and remove the veil from our eyes. Say what you will about the man, but he is an absolute Twitter Conspiracy Theory first ballot Hall of Famer.