Surviving Barstool | Ep. 1-6 Are Now Available On DemandWATCH HERE

Brady Says He's Got a Secret Formula for Making Himself an Even Better QB

Brady Whoopass

MMQBSometimes, Tom Brady gets slapped in the face that he’s still a pretty big deal… Not much changes for Brady, except the calendar. He goes to some horse races in the offseason, squires his famous wife to A-list events, throws the football with his receivers… and tries to beat his fellow Patriots to offseason workouts at Gillette Stadium. Time marches on, and he’ll be 37 in August…Said Brady: “It’s hard to explain this to people, but the commitment I make, in terms of keeping my body in shape and my nutrition right, should make me healthy. I feel better today than when I was 25, and I know that’s hard for people to believe, but I do. I work at it. Basically, I work all off-season to prepare my body to not get hurt. I can’t help the team if I’m on the sidelines. I’ve got to be durable… It’s all very well-researched,” Brady said. “But that’s for the other guys to figure out. I’m not going to give away any state secrets. I’m not here to be king of the weight room. I do things to make me a better quarterback…” Since returning at age 32 in 2009 from his one major NFL injury—the knee reconstruction after the injury suffered on opening day 2008—Brady has started all 89 Patriots game. So the durability is spotless, obviously. And the results?

Brady stats

… “There’s nothing that can wake me up at 5 o’clock in the morning on a Thursday in May like getting ready for a day of football. I want to play a long time. There’s nothing I like doing that’s close to football… I was the 199th pick in the draft for a reason. I need to maximize my efficiency, my mechanics and my reps to be sure I stay on top of my game.” Now he was in Foxboro. The clock struck 7. Last question: “How’s it been to work and throw against Darrelle Revis so far?” “I’m tired of throwing against him, that’s for sure,’’ Brady said. “I did tell him, ‘Hey, we plan on building a couple of hotels on your island over there, so don’t be offended.’ “

No big deal.  Nothing to see here.  Just the best quarterback of all time still being as driven to succeed as he was when he won the coveted parking space for putting the most into the offseason program back in 2000.  Nothing but the three-time Super Bowl champ crawling out of the bed with his supermodel wife in it at 5 AM in May to beat everyone else to the stadium and working out til 7.  No more than a 37 year old first ballet Hall of Famer obsessing over the fact he was drafted 199th and trying to prove himself every day like his roster spot depends on it. He’s probably working out  like Clubber Lang, in some dingy corner of a basement covered with pictures of The Brady 6, just to keep the Eye of the Tiger. Oh, and he’s not only in the best shape of his career, yet again, but he’s a better quarterback than he was when he was in the first half of his career.  And that includes the 2007 season when he broke all the records.  Yup, no news being made here.  Just a little something for the rest of the NFL to chew on.  Just the acknowledgment that the GOAT is getting even GOATier.  That he’s found some kind of magical formula that’s making him all Benjamin Buttony before their very eyes.  That he’s drinking unicorn blood or he’s a vampire or secretly replacing his human parts with bionic parts or something he won’t elaborate on, but he’s basically found the key to immortality.  And the rest of the football world will have to figure it out for themselves while he and Darrelle Revis are destroying their will to live next year.  I don’t know what Brady’s got that’s keeping him going so strong, but I know what this article gave me: Patriots Priapism. And I don’t want to be cured.  @JerryThornton1