Wait, my calendar says it's only February 26th. Did "Best Shape of His Life" season come early this year???
I will say that I find it a little funny that Ian Rapoport is reporting like he's talking to a college kid who just came back home for Fall Break after putting on the freshman 15. "Put on some weight last year to bulk up" sounds like what you jokingly tell you family over Thanksgiving when they mention that you added a chin since last year. "No, I'm not getting fat....I'm just bulking up!" Let's be clear: bulking up and getting fat are two very, very different things.
Okay Baker, it's time for an intervention. I'm glad you're trying to take the first step to recovery, but some of these photos that have come out recently have shown me you're getting farther and farther from your goal. So let's address the elephant in the locker room that everyone on the internet has been talking about.........you. Even if the camera does add 10 pounds, the photos that have come out throughout the past year have NOT done you any good deeds.
Let's call a spade a spade here, Baker. I feel like we can be honest with each other......mano e midget. You were noticeably heftier this past season. You got married, went on a honeymoon, did a bunch of Hulu commercials, and had a terrible year on the field. Those are just the facts, no one can debate any of it. And that's why we have unappealing photos like these from your postgame press conferences constantly circulating around:
Oh how the times have changed. But what exactly did change? I can't quite put my finger on it. The last I recall, you were posing shirtless over the summer with a tiger, and now you're looking like the kid who has to wear a t-shirt in the pool. Hmmmm…what did you do between the summer and the start of the season where you look visibly chubbier? Oh, I remember….
Either way too much beer, or way too much time at the Cheesecake Factory, if you know what I'm saying.
Regardless, this year is a new year. This is going to be a good year……I can just feel it. And it better be, or else it's probably going to be Baker's last one here in Cleveland. I like the guy, but I also am currently working on my 2021 Mock Draft and we're going QB with our first selection if we're picking in the Top 10 again. So I hope he cuts that weight, comes back in the best shape of his life, tells everyone about it, and leads us to a historic, breathtaking 10-6 season where we finally get to host playoff football in Cleveland. Then we can run all of those postseason Hulu commercials that never got to air.