Top 12 Hottest Boston Athletes

So all the chicks and Feitleberg have their little thongs and panties in a bunch over Jimmy Garoppolo. Just leaking all over the joint. Ok time for the straightest slightly gay dude on the planet to set the record straight. Here are the top 12 hottest pieces of dick for New England athletes.

12. Jimmy Garoppolo

Honestly he barely made this list. He just looks like a big dumb jock in a typical good looking big dumb jock type of way. The people comparing him to Brady are insane. He’s a good looking dude but I’m not leaking pre cum quite yet.

11. Patrice Bergeron

I feel like Bergeron is all about angles. Sometimes he looks hot. Sometimes not so much. But he has that silent strong type vibe that makes me feel it in the plums.

10. Noseface

A face that looks like it was sculpted from the greek gods themselves. Just everything in perfect proportion. A face that any man or girl would die for.

9. Gronk

Just raw. No other way to describe him. Like some chicks just want to get caveman’d for a night. Just ragdolled like a piece of meat. That’s the Gronk factor.

8. Will Middlebrooks

Listen you don’t land Jenny Dell by being ugly that’s for sure.

7. Bill Belichick.

One word. Power, intrigue,mystery, hammer cock.

6. Xander Bogarts

Had to include a black guy on this list. Can’t be having people calling me Donald Sterling and shit.

5. Grady Sizemore

Guy probably has slayed as much pussy in his day as anybody. And that’s saying a ton since he played in Cleveland most of his career. Johnny Football will probably be running train on chicks he banged years ago. Not to mention this photo. He must workout.

4. Loui Eriksson

Stud city. First time I saw him a couple weeks ago I was like who is this guy? Where did he come from? I never hear any of the puck sluts  talking about him. Turns out he’s married to a certified 10 and must not go out because if he did all those little puck sluts who banged Seguin would be lining up at the door for him.

3. Danny Amendola

I feel like Amendola is just a better version of Jimmy Garopplolo. Like tradional good looking guy only a much better version.

2. Julian Edelman

Really has been growing on my lately. I feel like he’s getting sexier by the minute. I guess the only complaint chicks could have is that he’s not that tall, but he makes up with it with those baby blues. Also one of the best dressed guys in the city. And not over the top like Brady either. Much more everyday man but still on top of it.

1 Tom Brady

Still the king. Anybody who says otherwise is a fool. It’s not just that he’s a great looking guy. It’s his entire vibe. His entire persona. He’s a man amongst boys. He’s not just a New England star. He’s not just an American star. He’s international. Everybody stops what they are doing when he walks in the room. That’s power. That’s sex. That’s Brady.