A Sausage And Cream Cheese Bagel Is Delicious And I'm Shocked People Disagree

Occasionally I’ll have controversial opinions and people will get mad at me, sometimes go so far as to call me the ghastly c-word. While I don’t think I’m a contrarian, and perhaps that’s a contrarian opinion itself, I don’t ever intentionally do things to make folks upset, I just like weird things because I’m a weird person. Usually I’ll even understand why people disagree and call me rude names on the internet.

But here, I’m at a loss for words. It’s not a common sandwich, the sausage and cream cheese on an everything bagel, but once you hear about it how do you not say, “Hmmm that might be delicious.” Folks are upset with me! So upset they’re sending puke face emojis, in fact! They’re trying to cancel me, saying I’m disgusting pig, one guy even called me cream cheese boy. It’s just sausage and cream cheese, it’s not some ludicrous breakfast combination like smoked salmon and lox.

I’ve made two great revelations in my life, one that you didn’t have to be 18 to click “I am 18: Enter” on porn sites back in the day and the other that I wasn’t legally obligated to order eggs on a breakfast sandwich. To me, the egg is the worst part of a SEC (yes even worse than Vanderbilt, heyOOOOOO). I don’t despise eggs but some mornings I’m not up for them and that was the case today, as I’d taken my penicillin without food and against my doctor’s orders, so I had an upset tummy because I guess I’m an age where that happens now. So I went with the Breakfast Cheeseburger.

I’ll be honest, I was excited to share it with the world. I thought folks would praise me and say wow John that sounds fantastic, I’ll have to try it. But instead I get insulted and now I’m just sad on a bus. I’m sad on a bus that’s making a four hour drive a six hour drive to pick up people in Boston because I guess there’s no other way to get to New Hampshire. Plus I still have that tummy ache. Worst morning ever.