This Is Where We Separate The Men From The Boys

This is it folks. The chips are down. The Pats are back in the Super Bowl. The next 2 weeks are going to be absolutely insufferable. I mean completely unfuckingbearable. Patriots fans are right next to Yankees fans as the scum of the motherfucking earth and this is their time to shine. Led by that fucking despicable asshole Portnoy, they are loud. They are legion. And unfortunately they are fucking good.

But this is where we separate the men from the boys. This is where Professional Haters like myself have learned to thrive. Growing up a Mets/Jets fan, my life has more or less been 100% about rooting against the Yankees and Patriots. Pathetic, yes. I know. But it is what it is. Almost every single year for the past decade or 2 has been rooting for whoever is playing against the Yankees in October and the Patriots in January. And occasionally, when things get really bad, rooting against the Yankees in November and the Patriots in February. And so here we are again. Another February edition of praying to the Good Lord the Patriots lose. While I would much rather prefer an upset in the Divisional Round or in yesterday’s AFCCG just to be done with this whole fiasco, the Pats in the Super Bowl once again presents an opportunity. Its another opportunity to potentially watch all of New England crumble. When the Patriots make a run this deep, and the stakes are at their absolute highest, that means its a chance to cause the greatest amount of pain possible for all those cocksuckers. Think about it like this: a Patriots loss may very well in fact kill Dave Portnoy. The last Super Bowl loss against the Giants delivered a near fatal blow – a loss in Arizona in two weeks may finish the job. Yet another Super Bowl loss may humble that spoiled little son of a bitch Feitelberg. Little fucking scumbag pieces of shit like Patrick McGillicuddy:

And this fucking idiot 6 year old with his dumb ass sign that barely makes any sort of sense and is really just remarking on random coincidences with the number 6:

will probably cry themselves to sleep if the Pats lose. Maybe even shit their pants a little bit because they’re so sad.

And thats what its all about. Thats what we have to hold on to. The thought of the Patriots being 1 win away from another Lombardi Trophy is devastating. But the stakes are so high and all of New England has gotten their hopes up so high, that we’re now also 1 loss away from those little pricks crying and shitting their pants. Hell, Portnoy may even cry and poop and he’s like 40. Its an all or nothing situation for all of the Patriot Haters out there. I wish we could have played it safe and the Pats were sent golfing already, but now we have a chance for Brady to tarnish his Super Bowl image. We have a chance to talk about how much of a choke artist you gotta be to lose 3 straight Super Bowls. We have a chance to witness another Portnoy heart attack.

Like I said, yes I know its a little pathetic. I know this feeds right into the “they hate us because they ain’t us” mentality of all of New England. But the only way to truly watch those motherfuckers suffer is another year of them coming up just short of another Super Bowl win and now we’ve got that. I’m KFC and I’ll be your driver on this bandwagon of hate. Please hop aboard and join me in hoping for the absolute worst possible outcome for Dave Portnoy and the rest of New England.