This British School Just Handed Out A Guide That Shows Teen Boys How To Get Some & The List Is Incredible.

You Won't Find Any Of These Suggestion For Safe Sex In This School's Pamphlet, Just Suggestions for Foreplay

Kids in The United Kingdom are horny, just like the rest of kids around the world, I sure as shit know I was (and sometimes still am). That's why one British school in Manchester has sent home a comprehensive pamphlet that gives kids alternatives to the classic move of inserting the penis into the vagina. Frankly, it's basically a guide for teen boys on how to get their love interests in the sack quicker and more efficiently, and a list that men of all ages should really check out.  Full article and guide to foreplay here

This guide to foreplay all came to light when Carl Lawrence's FOURTEEN YEAR OLD DAUGHTER, Emma, came home from school one day from Shevington High School in Wigan, Greater Manchester, with some reading material for her dad to look over, and that reading material was titled "Relationships and Sexual Health”.  Seems like a responsible pamphlet right?  FUCK NO, inside was a LONG list, I'm talking 100 alternatives, that teens can do to show each other they love each other, without having sex, but will definitely lead to sex.

Here are my top ten favorites that will absolutely lead to hardcore teenage sex, which I do not condone let the record show!!

1. Tickle them - I mean come the fuck on, tickling is MY move when I want to get down and dirty, 20% success rate, which ain't too shabby..

2. Send them a romantic text - AKA Sexting, this is simply an indicator that later on I'm going to tickle the shit out of you.

3. Propose marriage - Nothing gets a woman hotter than the potential of marriage. I may actually try this one later.

4. Leave a romantic note on their pillow - You know where you keep pillows?  That's right, on the bed.  You know where most sex takes place?  You guessed it.  Solid move here.

5. Suck their toes - I mean what the fuck....they recommended these teens suck each others toes, I hope they have a great program for teen mom's over there.

6. Share secrets - Also known as sharing sexual fantasies.  The more secrets you know about a person, the more power you have over them to do what you want them to do..... I mean, it's special, I mean, never mind, moving on.

7. Share strawberries dipped in chocolate - While naked surrounded by candles I'm assuming.  Jesus Christ, they should have just said lick chocolate off each others parts.

8. Buy them nice underwear - Hey honey, I got you this sexy thong, but don't worry I will definitely be able to contain myself when you model it for me, no problemo!

9. Nibble their ear - You ever hear of an erogenous zone?  Well let me tell you, the ears are top 3, right behind a few other more important parts, I think the toes may be one also....

10. Be a shoulder to cry on - VULNERABILITY = SEXUAL AVAILABILITY, that's what my Papi always says.

The list goes on folks, and you may want to save it to your phone for personal use.

Carl, of course, was not happy about the guide to "have sex with his teenage daughter quicker", saying “I understand children need to be made aware of the world, but should we really be promoting fetishes in Year Nine? I don’t think so,”  Well said, Carl!