Surviving Barstool | Ep. 4 Premieres Monday (12/4) at 8PM ETWATCH EP. 1-3 NOW

Ridiculous Patriots Rumor Season Picks Up Speed with a Report The'y'll Replace Brady with Taysom Hill

Like I said last week when there were people pushing the narrative that Tom Brady is going to leave the Patriots to play out the string with the 4-12 Giants, owners of the 17th-ranked offense and 30th defense in football, I tried to prepare myself for the insanity of Tom Brady Free Agency Season. But no matter how hard to tried, I wasn't ready for it to be this bonkers. Now add to it the fact that so many quarterbacks are hitting the market at the same time, and it's more like mass hysteria. It's the zombie apocalypse, and I've been ignoring it until now:

One of those quarterbacks is Taysom Hill, the third stringer for the Saints who comes in a few times a game to execute run options plays. That would be this Taysom Hill, who so far is leading the offseason in cray cray:

Which brings us to this, from the cyborgs programmed to write clickbait articles at what once was known as Sports Illustrated:

Because of the expiring CBA and limited cap space for the New England Patriots, if they want to sign a quarterback this offseason, it will likely have to be one that is rather unproven or has struggled since entering the league. …

One name that has been brought up frequently as a QB who could be on the move this offseason is Saints quarterback Taysom Hill. As the Swiss Army knife of New Orleans' offense, Hill has made it known that he views himself as a franchise QB, and wants to be with a team that views him the same way.

And Bleacher Report:

At the very least, what we've seen already is that Hill can be a franchise quarterback. …

[Sean] Payton told NBC Sports' Peter King that he believes a team will attempt to sign Hill to a restricted free-agent contract this offseason. If a team does, the Saints can match it. The team to watch is the Patriots, who may make a run at Hill whether Tom Brady returns or not.

My reaction:

Just as a reminder, to reiterate what I said last week, Taysom Hill is a unique player. He's shown he can come in on occasion to give a wrinkle to an offense and put you in a mismatch. And he's about to turn 30. And has fewer career completions than Mohamed Sanu. He's attempted 13 passes in his career, and completed six of them. With no touchdowns and one interception. And not only he, but more than one media outlet, has declared it's a given that he's not just a starting calilber QB, not just a franchise QB, but that he's the guy the Patriots will trust to replace the best player to ever wear a green dot on the back of his skull bucket. While, presumably, paying Hill franchise QB money, because that's what franchise QBs get.

Sure. Why not?  I've already declared I am not going to push back against the madness. I'm going to climb on board the wave of insanity between now and March 18th and ride it all the way onto the beach. The Patriots are going to take the precision passing attack they've used for 20 years, through three different coordinators (including Josh McDaniels twice), and they're going to hand the controls over to a 30-year-old who has the same number of completions in his career than Tom Brady had Super Bowl touchdowns by the time he was 30. They're going to scrap everything that worked for them through Matt Cassel, Jimmy Garoppolo and Jacoby Brissett going a combined 18-6, and they're going to scrap it for a run-first quarterback. For Tim Tebow.

Bring it on. At this point I'm willing to accept any theory from anyone. The goofier the better.