Just an unbelievable story and text message. First of all...fuck you man. College Football matters. It's 12 saturdays a year. If you can't get on board with that then the problem is with you. Sorry for caring about something passionately that's bigger than myself. It's called being a romantic.
I am dying to know what the other 7 reasons this guy listed are because the fact that his #1 is loving Notre Dame too much is laugh out loud funny. It got me thinking about being dumped. At age 33 it's happened many times in my life. I don't think I have experienced anything quite like this though. I feel like I get dumped for the normal reasons...fear of committment, lame dick, lack of attention, got too fat after we started dating, lack of direction in my life, and just general annoyance because of, well, how my personality is. I did have a girlfriend "get a new job back home in Nashville" so she left Chicago because she really wanted to be closer to home and then like 6 weeks later she took a job in St Louis. That was weird. She could've just told me that she was tired of me asking her "did you know?" about some random ass history thing that I learned that day on a podcast.
Anyways...I have been on the other side of this though, but I think I was justified. I'll set the scene. This was Spring 2014 so I was like 27 years-old. Started seeing this girl who had a theatre/arts background. She was nice, attractive, but everything she said was just a tadddddd too dramatic for my liking. Like, hey just relax a little bit. It's just a dinner. Our date is not a movie. Anyways for a date we went to a movie and because it was around St Patrick's Day I wore a wool aran sweater
I looked exactly like this guy except not hot. We were seeing "Unbroken" which was one of the shittier WWII movies and there was this one scene were a shark pops up out of the ocean and startles you. I was startled. So was she but....just a second too late. A delayed reaction jump where she threw like the entire bucket of popcorn in the air and landed all over me. And because it was buttered and I was wearing a wool sweater all of the popcorn kernals just stuck on me. She was trying to be cute. Like some sort of scene from a bad sitcom where she gets scared and then the couple looks at each other and laughs about just how darn silly she is! I just sat there in the theater being annoyed and eating popcorn off my body for the remainder of the movie. I couldn't be with someone who thought that was cute or funny and would be well-received. So that was that. I was out. Popcorn Girl is my gold standard for the Seinfeldian reasons for dumping a girl. She didn't eat her peas one at a time, but she did force me to go to the dry cleaners.
I want to hear from the stoolies, in the comments or on twitter. If you've got a story like Kate above or like Popcorn girl let's hear it.