Daily Mail - Olympic ski racer Bode Miller and his ex-girlfriend have finally reached a settlement in the custody battle over their 18-month-old son – although they still can’t agree on his name. Miller and Sara McKenna, a former Marine, finalized a deal last week following a lengthy battle over their son – who is called Sam by his mother and Nate by his father. The deal was reached just before the squabbling pair were due to testify in a public trial about who would be a better parent for the boy, Page Six reported. Details of the agreement are confidential, McKenna’s attorney Michael Stutman said. McKenna also tracked her son’s life with Miller on her ex and his new wife’s social media profiles and noticed they were calling him ‘Nathaniel’, after Miller’s late brother. ‘That was really heartbreaking,’ she wrote. ‘Our son’s name is Samuel Bode Miller-McKenna. Calling him anything else is just confusing.’
Alright well this is just flat out the most absurd thing in the world. Poor 18 month old kid getting called one name by his mom and one name by his dad because they hate each other that much. I’d like to think at some point I’d swallow my pride and for the sake of my kid’s sanity and development, just give in on the name my bitch ex wife came up with. But names are important, and you gotta think about the consequences. Especially Sam. I dont know about that name. Like if I wanted my kid to be named Joseph and she wanted a name like Colin I could just let it slide. Yea it would be cooler if my kid was named Maverick, but for the sake of this kid growing up normal with just one name, and since I know you’re a bitch who won’t give in, we’ll just go with Colin.
But Sam vs. Nate, thats a big difference. Two very different names at first glance. Lets break it down further:
The biggest endorsement for the name Nate. Right off the bat this swings me in favor of this name.
2.) Nate Robinson
Nate Robinson kinda bothers me with how cocky he is sometimes, but bottom line is he’s like 5’9 and won an NBA Dunk Contest. Dude can throw down with some of the best basketball players in the world.
Almost, almost, cancels all of the coolness Nate Dogg and Nate Robinson provides to the name Nate.
1.) Sam, Uncle
Pretty much the most iconic, badass American ever. I’m pretty sure we won both World Wars because of him.
2) Samuel Adams
1) Samwise Gamgee and Samwell Tarly
These fat fucks actually both end up kind of heroic, but at the end of the day nobody wants to be named after them. You hear Sam in reference to these guys and all you’re thinking is “Who the guy who wants to fuck Frodo and the pussy on The Wall?”
2.) This kid who grew up down the block from me was named Sam. When we were in like 2nd grade he had an Aladdin themed birthday party and made everyone dress up like a character from the movie. Rumor has it later in high school he came out of the closet and used to troll high school parties looking for drunk dudes and he would try to trick them into thinking he was a chick and let him suck their dicks. Weird. Definite con.
So, its kind of a wash. Some bad ass Americans vs some bad ass black dudes. Some fat fictional characters and the weirdo I knew from elementary school vs. the weirdo I know from Barstool.
At the end of the day I think it would be a landslide for Nate if it wasnt for…well Nate. Now I dont know though. We got DMV Nate and DevNest Nate, 2 guys really hurting the credibility of the Nate’s of the world.
I guess it doesnt matter for this poor little bastard. When your parents hate each other so much they cant even agree on a name for you, you’re probably doomed in general. Just called this kid Doomed. Doomed Bode Miller-McKenna
PS – Just name that fat little fucker “Chuck” and call it a day.