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Did People See This Lunatic From Taunton On American Idol?

 

Before I make fun of this guy a bit you all have to promise me that you’ll never tell him who I am, OK? Like, if Sam Atherton goes up to a Taunton Stoolie and demands to know who this “Feitelberg” guy is then you have to tell him it’s a made up name and I actually live in Iowa or some other completely ridiculous state that doesn’t have blogs. Deal? Tysm.

 

So anyway, not sure if people saw this guy the other night or not. Obviously looks like a pretty cut and dry psychopath. He’s got the eyes, the demeanor, the laugh. Everything about him says, “I used to wet the bed and set fires as a kid. How would you like to be the first murder on my national run of serial killings?” But I mean, how much of it can you believe? How much “reality” TV is staged nowadays? Maybe Sam is just acting all fucking nuts so the judges are scared not to send him to Hollywood?

 

 

*Googles Sam Atherton Taunton*

 

 

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Taunton, MA - Samuel Atherton, a 20-year-old Massachusetts man, was arrested Saturday after he allegedly masturbated in front of customers and parents while dispensing chilled treats from a ‘Mister Lemonade’ ice cream truck.

 

Oh. Well, that settles that. Maybe it’s not too much of an act. Guess Sam Atherton is just the kind of who enjoys the finer things in life, like jerking off in front of everyone from the back of a Mister Lemonade truck and scaring the hell out of everybody who watches American Idol.

 

PS – How pissed is J. Lo gonna be when she finds out that she was *this close* to Sam taking out his dick and beating it right in her eye on stage?

 

h/t @Bradling1215 (my man who took me to meet Taylor Swift)