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Woman Commits Suicide By Crocodile

MUANG SAMUTPRAKARN, Thailand A woman in Thailand decided to end her life in a horrible, public way, by jumping into a crocodile enclosure. Police say the 65-year-old woman’s family told them she had seemed depressed. But they didn’t expect her to walk into the reptile farm remove her shoes and jump into the pit filled with several hundred crocs.  Thai police say staff at the Samut Prakarn Crocodile Farm and Zoo used sticks to try to keep the animals at bay but to no avail. The Bangkok Times reports Wanpen Inyai isn’t the only person to commit suicide by crocodile. In 2002, a woman did the same thing at the same park. Local radio stations talked to the owner of the park, Uthen Youngprapakorn. He told them the walkways in the park had additional security, and fences added. The body couldn’t be positively identified after the incident, but the family believes it is Inyai because of identification found in the pond the next day. DNA tests are being done to confirm the ID of the remains.

Well thats not very practical. As a matter of fact I’d say this is probably the last way I’d ever kill myself. Like forget about shooting yourself or jumping off a bridge or something. Even if we’re talking about getting weird with some sort of zoo-icide, the crocodile tank is the last place I’m going. At least take me to a tank or a cage with an animal that can knock me out. Some bears or gorillas or some shit that are gonna knock my block off before eating me or something. Crocs are just gonna sit there gnawing on you and tearing your apart. No fuckin thanks.

I guess the real question is, where was the Thailand Zoo Keepers on this one? You got several hundred crocs eating poor Wanpen and all you’re doing is waiving some sticks at them? I’ll tell you one thing, this would have happened in Japan. No sir. Japan would have been all over this shit like rice on Asians. They’ve been training their whole lives for a moment like this:

That woman would have jumped in the croc farm and the zoo keepers would have been like Costanza with the Frogger machine. “Wait a minute. This looks familiar. This reminds me of something. I can do this. I’ve been preparing for this moment my entire life.”