World Cup Calendar Full Of Smokes Means I'm All In On Brazil Hosting

Here’s the thing about Brazil, they know how to market themselves. People are worried about a Brazilian World Cup because it’s a country that’s one big barrio, run by slumlords where they kidnap white people. People are worried because you can’t have a kid’s U-8 soccer game in Brazil that doesn’t end in a riot with the losing coach decapitating the ref’s head and mailing it to his mother. Brazil understands this. So what do they do to distract everyone? T and A, baby. T and A! Remember the smoke who hosted the World Cup draw? Well now we’ve got out World Cup calendar and I don’t even remember anything about the beheadings that we were just talking about.

Because here’s one universal fact: tell a man that there’s a magical country full of smokes who might fuck him, but that country is full of slumlords and gangsters looking to kidnap and torture him, and all he’ll ask is for you to point him in the right direction.

Which way to Rio?