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Assholes Lining Up For The iPhone 6 15 Days Early, Paying $2500 To Move Up In Line

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QZFour people have already lined up to buy the next versions of the iPhone, which aren’t expected to go on sale for another 16 days. But they aren’t really there for iPhones: They are being paid by companies hoping to glom onto the expected frenzy. Joseph Cruz and Brian Ceballo arrived in front of Apple’s glass cube on Fifth Avenue in Manhattan on Sunday, August 31. They brought tarps, chairs, sleeping bags, and lots of T-shirts for BuyBackWorld, an online electronics retailer. BuyBackWorld is picking up their food bill for the three-week urban campout. The company is also paying for the iPhone 6 of their choice, assuming that’s what Apple unveils at its event next week and begins selling, as expected, on Friday, Sept. 19. Ceballo, 20, and Cruz, 21, know what to expect. The cousins, who are musicians by day, say they have been camping out for new Apple products for the past five or six years. This time will best their personal record of lining up 15 days before the iPhone 5S’s release. Jason and Moon Ray arrived at the Apple store a day later. The married couple shipped their gear—including two patio lounge chairs, a tent, a tarp, sleeping bags, a blow-up mattress, and a solar charger—from their home outside of Jackson, Mississippi. Jason, 29, is a consultant for a startup called Video Medicine, which connects doctors and patients over their phones. Moon, a 25-year-old writer and model, came along for the ride. Video Medicine wanted the Rays to be first in line, for better publicity. So they paid Cruz and Ceballo $2,500 to let them cut ahead.

Every time Apple releases something I immediately go search for pictures of these assholes. They are some of my favorite assholes in all of society, as a matter of fact. Camping out on the street for days and weeks just so they can get a cell phone thats a new color or a new shape that will inevitably be replaced in like 6 months. Up until now I’ve always thought that these guys were just childish assholes. I mean other than the satisfaction of getting a new gadget before someone else gets it, there is absolutely no value in sitting around like a useless prick for 2 weeks living like a homeless person. But now I see Ceballo and Cruz selling their number 1 spot for $2500 and I realize there’s an actual benefit to doing it. Like I don’t give a shit about getting the new iPhone 6 but I should have just gone and lived outside the Apple Store for a couple days, got the number 1 spot, and sold it to some asshole for a couple grand. I mean if there are people fucking shipping their belongings from Mississippi there have gotta be tons of people willing to buy that top spot on line. All you need to do is be an asshole and not have a job and go camping outside the Apple store for a weekend and you could probably up the bidding to like 5k. Honestly there’s no telling how much you could get from these dicks. If I saw a story tomorrow that some weird Asian paid 10 grand to be first on the iPhone line I wouldn’t even bat an eyelash. Maybe I’ll just blog in a tent outside the Apple store for a week whenever the next iPad comes out.

PS – Time for our dude @Sold_Inc to go to work. Apple releases are a Professional Line Waiter’s dream.

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