WSJ - Shortly before Tuesday's trial session got underway, Sen. Mitt Romney (R., Utah) got busted by the Senate floor staff for bringing a bottle of chocolate milk into the chamber.
Mr. Romney retreated to the Republican cloakroom after the staff member appeared gently to chide him. He returned a few minutes later with the chocolate milk in a glass, which is allowed, while bottles aren't. He held up the glass for inspection. It passed, and he put it on his desk...
...Politico has identified chocolate milk as Mr. Romney's vice. The brand he brought to the Senate floor on Tuesday was from Mr. Romney's alma mater, Brigham Young University, according to an aide. The campus creamery there makes chocolate milk and ice cream.
If you've followed me for long enough, you know that I rarely jump in to discussing politics. Now a lot of that has to do with the fact that I just don't care, but I also have the self-awareness to realize that my opinion on almost everything doesn't mean shit unless we're talking about why lacrosse is the sport of the future. So for the most part I just keep my mouth shut and leave the political opinions to myself.
But eventually you have to stand up for something you believe in, right? Eventually you come across a moment in your life when you can no longer bite your tongue. There are wrongs in this world that need to be righted, and its up to us as individuals to have our voices be heard. So with that in mind...
Just let Mitt Romney drink his chocolate milk out of the bottle in comes in. I mean for fucks sake, guys, are we really just going to sit back and allow these political goons to force the MittDawg to pour that choccy milk out into a glass and completely alter its flavor and drinkability? And for anyone out there who is saying to themselves right now, "what's the big deal? He still got to drink the chocolate milk but he just had to pour it into a glass first", well you clearly haven't drank enough chocolate milk in your life. If chocolate milk comes in a bottle, you drink it from the bottle. If it comes in a carton, you drink it from the carton. If it comes in a 2 gallon jug? You swig it straight from the jug. Really the only time you crush a glass of choccy is if you're ordering it at a diner or something.
Which brings me to my next point--why isn't chocolate milk on more menus? Why can't I walk into a nice restaurant and order a tall glass of chocolate milk to go along with my mafaldine with lamb shank ragu? Why does it always just have to be wine? Or why can't I go into any bar in America and order a double of chocolate milk, neat? It's delicious, it's nutritious, and it's a great source of protein. It's basically like going to the gym every time you drink chocolate milk. You can't say that about an IPA.
Either way, just let Mitt gas that chocolate milk straight from the bottle. If they would have been bottling beverages back when the senate was first established, you could bet your sweet ass that James Monroe would be crushing a bottle of chocolate milk. Don't ruin this man's beverage just because of some outdated traditions.