Mr. Peanut Is Dead. RIP Mr. Peanut, 1916-2020

It is with an EXTREMELY heavy heart to announce that Mr. Peanut has died. Gunned down in his prime by some pesky armadillo laying in the middle of the road. Perhaps it was Mr. Peanut's own hubris which did him in. Maybe if he was traveling in a real car that had racked up years upon years worth of JD Power and Associates plaques for safety and emissions it would have be able to handle that quick maneuvering at such a high speed. But no. He just had to drive around in a giant peanut. At least he went out on his own terms. For a 104 year old nut, you can't ask for much more than that. 

In all seriousness, I am VERY excited to see how he survived this wreck during the inevitable Super Bowl commercial they have ready to pair with this death. Usually it's the Clydesdales or a dog that brings out the waterworks, this year it will be Mr. Peanut chopping onions in my living room. Because there's no fucking way they just killed off this icon on a random Wednesday in January. Some bird swooped in and caught him before he hit the ground. There's no chance he died in a fiery explosion like this. Who is supposed to take care of his children, Nut Girl and Nut Lad? Release the Snyder cut of the Mr. Peanut crash already, my heart cannot stand to wait another week and a half to find out what really happened to our monocle wearing hero.