Winter Sorority Rush At The University Of Michigan Looks Like An Absolute Nightmare

Carl1/21/2020 3:43 PM

The Basic Movement is showing no signs of slowing down and it couldn't be more amazing. I remember being on the ground floor around 10 years ago when not having a macbook or iPhone started becoming A Thing. Yoga pants had just won their fight with public opinion while Country Music festivals slowly turned to the darkside of EDM. I was there when Happy Hour stopped being cool so we could BRUNCH OMG LETS BRUNCH ON SATURDAY YOU SKANKS. And I know with absolute certainty that there isn't a "Live Laugh Love" kind of quote out there I haven't seen at least twice. (Bonus points if tattooed on your foot. Double Bonus Points if ribcage.)

I always wanted to work a front desk

Point is I'm no Jabroni when it comes to some sweeping trends that have been previously described as Basic. I just didn't know it would ever manifest itself to such a point in history. That we could randomly source a collective $12,000 worth of matching goose down winter coats in the same picture frame.

Ugg's, okay fine.

Yoga pants, obviously great.

Pumpkin spice latte, yawn.

Mariah Carey at Christmas, Alexa play it again.

These are all things that have slowly endured over the years, and at a budget no less. For all the right reasons, they're mainstays in the Basic Handbook.

But if you're now telling me that I - Carl - a 32 year-old married man with a mild addiction to Italian beef - if you're now telling me that I can't be a hot little sorority girl at Michigan without a thousand dollar winter coat... well then I don't think I'm going to Michigan. I'm going to take my independent ass down to a real school like the University of Illinois where I can get away with a North Face because they're notably less judgmental. Maybe even stop at Purdue along the way just to see if I can pull off this look: