2 Asians Die Falling Into A Toilet Trying To Retrieve A Cell Phone

NY Post – A man and his mother have suffocated after trying to fish a mobile phone out of an open pit toilet and falling in. The South China Morning Post reports that an unnamed woman in Xinxiang City, China, dropped her phone, worth about $320, into the open pit toilet. Her husband tried to find it but was overcome by the stench, lost consciousness and fell in. His mother then dove in after her son but she also fainted. Neighbors were called for help after the owner of the phone then tried to save her husband and mother-in-law but also lost consciousness. A total of six people had to be pulled out of the toilet. The man and his mother both had pulses when they were rescued but died as they waited more than an hour for medical assistance to arrive. “Two lives have gone in five minutes and my cousin’s wife is still in coma, leaving a partially-paralyzed old man and a one-year-old son at home,” the husband’s uncle said, according to Shanghaiist. “What are we supposed to do?”

Fuckin Asians, man. There are so many wacked out parts of this story I don’t even know where to start. Here’s my most pressing question – how the fuck does the same people who shit and piss in some sort of underground cave toilet also have a fucking $320 cell phone? You mean to tell me that the folks in Xinxiang City get good cell service? That when these people go to their open pit toilet and squat they’re also play Flappy Bird on their iPhone or some shit? I would imagine the same people that use this cave toilet would probably have to use smoke signals and carrier pigeons and shit to communicate. I mean you might wanna get your priorities in order here. Maybe save that $320 and save up to get a real fucking toilet? One that can’t fit 6 idiots crawling through raw sewage for a cell phone? Just a thought here. I’m not trying to tell you how to spend your money but if your toilet situation is potentially fatal for you and half the neighborhood, you might wanna fix that before you’re worried about unlimited data and texting on the smartphone.