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Cubs Auctioning Off A Chair That Masahiro Tanaka Sat In

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Listen everyone’s first thought here obviously is “what the fuck are the Cubs doing?” They’re auctioning off a chair that a pitcher sat in during Derek Jeter’s final series at Wrigley Field. It makes zero fucking sense. Its just the Cubs being the Cubs.

Except that its not. Except that it makes perfect sense. Because not just any pitcher sat on that chair. An Asian pitcher sat in that chair. A very good Asian pitcher. And when you’re dealing with Asian, anything goes. Especially Asian baseball fans who fall in fucking love with anyone who goes from Japan to MLB and proves to be a stud. I mean there’ a chance this chair sells for like $1,000,000 to some wack job Japanese dude with a fetish for chairs and Tanaka’s ass or something. There’s also a strong chance this receives absolutely no bids at all and ends up being the dumbest baseball promotion of all time. But its a risk reward thing. Worst case scenario, you look like a bunch of assholes. Well guess what? You’re the Cubs. Nothing new there. Best case scenario, you’re paying off a chunk of Rizzo’s salary with some money from selling a goddam chair.