KTNV – Teens are getting their caffeine fix in a way never thought of before. They’re smoking it. Coffee smoking is a dangerous new trend that’s going viral among teens. We’ve heard of people eating coffee beans, but smoking them is a whole other thing. There are websites popping up online that will teach kids step-by-step on how to roll their own caffeine stick. “We’re about to legalize marijuana all over the United States. I think we can live with a few bean heads.” But the side effects can be dangerous. People have reported trouble breathing, dizziness, vomiting and even hallucinations.
I don’t hate the move. I actually respect it tons. Because I love how kids will do fucking ANYTHING to try to be cool. Pour vodka in their eyeballs, lick toads, tie their hoodie strings together…you name it, if someone says it’s the new hotness in the streets, kids will do it. So why not smoke some coffee? They have to wake up for school at like 6 in the morning as it is, and most teens haven’t learned to love coffee yet, so you can look cool and get a nice buzz going before first period geometry class. Plus, it’s just fucking coffee. They should be passing out coffee crack pipes to anyone who wants it. If that’s what these kids want to do, let them go wild, because it’s pretty fucking stupid. Do a real drug if you actually want to be cool. Didn’t DARE teach you anything?
PS: I want to smoke coffee.