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Teenager Says Government Could Save Hundreds Of Millions Of Dollars Annually By Switching Their Font From Times New Roman To Garamond

Indian Schefty comin in hot!


Cnet Fourteen-year-old Suvir Mirchandani from Pittsburgh became deeply involved in a science fair project. Despite being interested in computer science, he noticed that there was still a lot of paper flying about the world. So he began to wonder about printer’s ink. Using APFill Ink Coverage Software, he analyzed just how much ink was being used by common letters such as “e,” “o,” and “t.” He then tested different typefaces to see which might simply use the least. He settled on Garamond, with its more thinly sculpted strokes. He got out his calculator and discovered he could save his school $21,000 a year. Next, he published his results in the Journal For Emerging Investigators, which is in no way affiliated with the NSA. This fine publication then asked Mirchandani a simple question: “Hey, how much do you think the government could save?” The young brain got to work and soon deduced that, again by switching to Garamond, the savings would be, oh, $136 million. And if the state governments played along, that would be another $234 million.


Christ kiddo. Get a hobby one time. When I was 14 years old I was trying to figure out how many houses in my neighborhood I could hit golf balls over with my TPX. Shoving doritos down my gullet til 3 AM and stalefishing my dick off in Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater. But not Mr. Mirchandani. No days off for Suvir. He took a “break” from his computer-science/atomic wedgie lifestyle to try to do the American public a big fave. Just look at that picture. Says a thousand words. I’m convinced he’s got Barry O. on the horn down at 1600 Penn Ave. Just wheelin’ and dealin’ his little Garamond schpiel til the sun comes up. I’m not gonna sit here and say he’s Ari Gold, but that’s precisely what I’m going to do. Garamond is already in the works and we couldn’t change it if we tried. Suvir and Ari, one in the same.

Editor’s Note: Wahh wahh reblog, no. This blog is funny.