I could really use some advice with a situation that involves my ex, whom, once all the dust settled, I count as one of my closest friends. We’re both exploring the dating world and he recently started dating someone exclusively who seems great. The only problem is that she doesn’t like that we still talk or hang out once in a while (a couple times a month). Recently, he joined me for drinks with some mutual friends, and the girlfriend found out about it and was very upset. I get that it also means he didn’t tell her about the plans, and I can understand how that would feel, but at the same time I would never tell my significant other who he could be friends with. I’m not a threatening ex-girlfriend here. My work and social schedule will make it so that I can’t see him very often anyway, but am I doing anything wrong here?
– Trying to Be a Friend, Boston
Meredith “Hoss” Goldstein’s Answer
A: You’re not doing anything wrong. He’s in charge of his social calendar, and it’s up to him to be honest with his girlfriend about what he’s doing on any given night.All you can do is be a friend and maybe ask some questions. As in, “Why didn’t you tell her where you were?” (I’d like to know the answer to that one.) You can also ask, “Do you think you need space from this friendship? Is it working for you?”
Please prepare yourself because he might decide to set some boundaries with you. For now, just be a friend and follow his lead. And if he decides he needs to limit his exposure to you — or to bring her along — be a friend and understand.
Readers? Should she pull away or is this up to him? Does the girlfriend have a right to be upset? Is the letter writer doing anything wrong? Help.
El Pres Answer
Dear Trying To Be A Friend,
Are we still playing this game? Oh you don’t know why your ex didn’t tell his current girlfriend that he was hanging out with you? Umm maybe it’s because everybody on earth knows the only reason you hang out with your ex is because you’re still looking to fuck. Sure maybe you haven’t fucked him yet, (probably have) but eventually you will. You know it. He knows it. Everybody knows it. That’s why his current girlfriend doesn’t want you hanging out with him. She doesn’t feel like getting cheated on. And that’s why he didn’t tell her that he was hanging out with you. He doesn’t want her to know he can and will be balls deep in you whenever he feels like it. So seriously stop with this sob story about how unfair life is and how innocent you are. You’re looking for dick. Everybody knows the score. Bottomline is if this dude just wanted to hang out with somebody as “just friends” he’d hang out with a dude. Only reason in the world guys hang out with chicks is they think they can fuck em.