Tokyo 2020 Assures Us Their Cardboard Beds Will Hold Up During Sex

Earlier Gay Pat posted about the recycled cardboard beds being provided for the athletes in the Olympic Village at the Toyko 2020 games:

Pat:

 You know what? I don’t mind this. At first glance I thought it was ridiculous, but after thinking about it it makes complete sense. What do you need a metal bed frame for? Fucking? Probably, but these bed frames can hold 440 pounds! The only people who won’t be able to bang on them are the body builders. Everyone else will be fine. As far as I’m concerned this is a win. Everyone’s going to be so drunk they’re not going to care where they sleep anyway. Donnie did a video series on the Olympics a few years back and it’s essentially a big party. Lest we forget how horny Olympians are.

Well the organizers of Tokyo 2020 no doubt read his post because they've released a statement that should allay all our concerns:

But with cardboard beds set to be the only option on offer in Japan, certain athletes have considered the impact on their late-night activities.

Australian basketball player Andrew Bogut raised the alarm when he wrote on Twitter: “Great gesture … until the athletes finish their said events and the 1000’s of condoms handed out all over the village are put to use.”

But bed manufacturer’s Airweave have confirmed that the frames will be able to withstand up to 200kg loads and have guaranteed that there will be no fears of collapsing – so long as athletes stick to two in a bed.

“We’ve conducted experiments, like dropping weights on top of the beds,” an Airweave spokesperson told AFP 

“As long as they stick to just two people in the bed, they should be strong enough to support the load.”

Naturally, leave it to an NBA veteran like Andrew Bogut to get discussion going as well. And since he's 260 lbs, that gives him just 180 lbs of sex partner to work with, so he's definitely going to have to keep himself to one partner at a time or keep to a strict two-gymnast limit. Which probably doesn't fit into his usual routine after 13 years of pro ball. But those are the kinds of sacrifices these athletes are making for their countries.

But the important thing is that the manufacturer, Airweave, has made allowances for the competitors in the world's greatest quadrennial bangfest. We don't send our best and brightest to this thing every four years just to bring back medals hanging from ribbons. We expect them to have the international sex the rest of us can aren't capable of. So we can live vicariously through them. We want them to live out the Olympic creed: "Higher. Faster. Stronger. Hornier." 

And Airweave has taken care of that while promoting sustainability. So these athletes can keep their carbon emissions low and their nocturnal emissions high. Boxers and badmintoners. Rowers and rugby players. Equestrian competitors can ride all day and get ridden by night. Bi athletes can bang Triathletes. The Shooting competition doesn't have to end when all the bullseyes are put away. Maybe the Russians aren't allowed to compete under their own flag, but they can still complete under some Finn. And this is exactly what the drama of athletic competition is all about. 

To all the athletes, sorry about the lack of threeway sex. But your sacrifice in order to make this a cleaner world will be much appreciated.