Naoko Funayama Has To Translate Every Single One Of Uehara's Tweets From Here On Out

Naoko, sad about losing your job to Erdahl? Tired of standing in the unemployment line? Well, looks like I’m your white knight because I’m hiring. For the rest of the postseason I will pay you $5 per translated Uehara tweet. I refuse to miss another one of these. “I went and pitched happy, they got me sad, a walk-off loss… tears.” That’s fucking poetry right there. Darkly beautiful, Stone cold, Japanese poetry. I’ve never been moved by art before. Not by a painting or a poem or even a song… until now. I actually feel for Uehara after last night, it crushed his world. And I won’t miss another moment of elegant vulnerability like this. Can’t do it. $5 per translated tweet, Naoko. Tell me where to send the check.