Wait To Call 8: Our Law Dads, Cellino And Barnes, Have Officially Divorced
From the NY Post:
Personal injury lawyers Cellino & Barnes are finally going to split up and open their own separate law firms, according to new court papers.
Clem recently wrote about a play in Brooklyn revolving around their troubles and KFC first covered this years ago, but it's only now that the end has truly come.
Lawyer Ross Cellino Jr. — who filed suit in 2017 to break up the company he formed with longtime partner Stephen Barnes — said in an affidavit filed Friday in the Erie County Court case that Barnes has finally agreed to dissolve their firm.
“After three years of needless, wasteful litigation, during which respondent Barnes has lost virtually every contested issue in this matter,” Barnes “now accepts the reality of this situation and has advised this court that he will consent to a dissolution,” Cellino said in the court papers.
Damnit Cellino, did you have to throw Barnes under the bus like that? What the hell happened to you two?
Yes, I'd seen that years-old news of their split, but I was tricked into false hope by seeing their ads still plastered onto every bus stop in NYC. Every time I saw one I'd get a little sense of hope for the world..
Hey, they must have sorted it out. That's what life is all about, man. Compromise.
And I was fooled even more-so by their delightful holiday tweet that definitely doesn't just photoshop separate photos of them in front of the same happy, glowing tree. Those joyful smiles, the light in their eyes… As soon as I saw it I thought,
This is what Jesus had in mind when he was born. This is the kind of peace and unity he wanted…
But no… It was two good to be true. Our legal dads are getting a divorce.
Who will we turn to for mesothelioma advice? Where will we go after a fender bender? I'm lost.
And why do I care so much? How do I explain this…..
When Roger Rabbit is hiding from Judge Doom in Who Framed Roger Rabbit, the judge has a trick to get Roger to reveal himself… He knows the one thing toons can never resist, and that's finishing the end of Shave & A Haircut.
When he taps this tune on the wall, Roger is physically unable to contain himself and bursts out into the room, finishing it out with 'TWO BITS!', giving away his hiding spot, & quite possibly sealing his fate.
If I were Roger Rabbit in this scenario the Judge would be able to do the same to me, but with a slightly different tune…
It's one of those cultural things ingrained in my soul. I have been hearing their jingle for as long as I can remember and it's one of only five phone numbers on this entire planet that I have memorized. Since you asked, the others are:
JG Wentworth 8-77-CASH-NOW
800-588-2300 EMPIRE (today!)
In the case of an emergency I'll be able to quickly give my kar away to kids, or get cash now, or an ambulance, or a carpet. But I won't be able to get legal help… I'll have to wait to call 8. And from an FM radio commercial & billboard standpoint - my road trips will never be the same.
With all their bickering it's like they totally forgot about who matters most. People seeking cash settlements from injuries both real and faked. Sad.
In closing, let me take you out one last time… And keep telling yourself what I'm trying to tell myself in these difficult times… "It's. not. your. fault."