The Barstool College Football Show - Championship WeekWATCH NOW

Jolly Old Man With Big White Beard Robs A Bank, Runs Outside, Yells "Merry Christmas!" And Throws All The Cash In The Air

THE HILL — A Colorado Springs, Colo., robber was anything but discreet after he stole thousands from a downtown bank on Monday afternoon, with witnesses saying he immediately ran outside and yelled "Merry Christmas!" while throwing wads of cash into the air. 

The amount of money stolen remains undisclosed, but Jeffocat told reporters that thousands of dollars remain missing.

Santa Claus: hoax invented by parents to get their brat kids to behave. Wastes the valuable time and resources of thousands of civilians and military personnel tracking his whereabouts on NORAD then never reveals himself. Makes "a list" of "naughty kids" who he then humiliates with lumps of coal (maintains sole discretion of list, no general oversight by independent parties). Operates North Pole sweatshop exploiting elves for free labor then maintains 100% unemployment after December 25th leaving the elves no option but to turn to drugs and prostitution. Tricks children into believing falsehoods which interferes with the development of their critical thinking and associates good behavior with being materially rewarded. Used to only give to the needy, then sold out to corporate greed and commercialism. Overworks his reindeer. Emotionally neglectful to Mrs. Claus. 

David Oliver: real, alive human being who sacrificed his freedom to steal thousands of dollars from Big Banking and give it all away to the people of Colorado. 

An eyewitness told KKTV that the man, identified by police as 65-year-old David Oliver, left the bank, threw money into the air, shouted the holiday wishes, then went to a nearby Starbucks where he sat down and waited to be arrested. Police said Oliver was arrested without conflict and no weapon was found on his person.

Checkmate, David Oliver.

There's a new king of Christmas in town. 


Cannot even imagine what happened in your life to turn you into this big of a loser:

Witnesses say people walking down the street picked up money and returned it to the bank.