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Shocking News: Balloon Guy Who Was Going Across The Atlantic Made It All The Way To Canada

 

(HuffPo)Jonathan Trappe’s attempt to become the first person ever to cross the Atlantic using 370 helium balloons has come back to earth in failure – only 12 hours into the journey. Jonathan Trappe took off yesterday. Hundreds of multicolored balloons were used to launch the balloonist for a trans-Atlantic crossing look like a page taken from the script of the movie “Up.” Sadly, Trappe was forced to make an early landing in Newfoundland, Canada, due to a technical issue.

 

 

I’m so mad about this I don’t even count it as a win for me. I didn’t want Jonathan Trappe to fail when he said he was going to float to Europe on the wings of helium. I wanted him to die. Really, I did. Watch that video and tell me you didn’t want that guy to die. Playing the national anthem and starting USA chants with the 9 people standing on a football field in Middle of Nowhere, Maine like he’s some kind of American hero. Total fucking asshole. I didn’t want him to land safely in Newfoundland due to “technical difficulties.” I wanted him to be dead. Go the way of Amelia Earhart and just get lost somewhere over the Bermuda Triangle. Scream “Shouldn’t have done this!!!” as his balloons popped dropping him into a shark infested area of the Atlantic. I know it’s irrational but I don’t care, I wanted Jonathan Trappe dead.

 

I hope he does it again so I can learn how to shoot a sniper rifle and take out balloons one by one from an Apache while I follow him. Gonna need a lot of planning for that though.

 

PS – Hey Jonathan, let’s say you kept going… what happens when you float off the map? I’m asking seriously. What happens when you just float away way north of Russia and totally miss the entire continent you were aiming for?

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