Okay, Enough is Enough- Can We Have an Intelligent Discussion About What in the World is Going On With "Jake From State Farm"?


How long has this commercial been on the air? Years now. Maybe since I was born, I’m not sure. But it’s in heavy rotation right now during the NCAA tournament, and frankly, nothing about it makes sense. There’s something way, way deeper going on with that guy and “Jake”.

Let’s go through the tape:


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He is standing upright in the dark at fucking 3:11 am. First and foremost, that’s insane. Not sitting on the couch, no lights on. Straight up standing there….


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On a god damn landline! What?? Phone calls on a landline? Are we living in 1985? Nevermind what time it is, he’s using a landline to make this call. That’s Exhibit A, my friends. No wonder he reacts the way he does when his wife comes down the stairs….


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WOOPS! Caught red fucking handed, huh? Elvis face’d her so hard. Walter White got caught being a meth king and kept a better poker face than this clown. Which has to lead you to believe he is calling about one of two things:

1) What the wife thinks. He has a side relationship with Jake from State Farm. That would be her first reaction.


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2) But that’s too simple, and he wouldn’t react the way he did. It doesn’t add up. It’s pretty clear what’s happening here. He’s planning on having Jake kill his wife. Jake doesn’t work for State Farm at all. If he did, then tell me this….


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Why is his computer not on?!


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And why is Jin from LOST sitting right next to him?! If I recall correctly, Jin has killed a man before. And in case you’re wondering, yes, I do recall correctly.


I’m not sure what happens after the commercial ends, but it can’t be good for toots. We might never know for sure why he is talking to “Jake” at 3am, but I don’t feel good about it. I don’t feel good about it at all.