We should hire whoever sent in this email. Hysterical.
Time to reload the Miltons machine. Send all sob stories to email@example.com or firstname.lastname@example.org and help us help you. And you need to send pictures! If you sent an email without a picture resend with one to be considered.
You’re the man. Probably the funniest, best looking, hottest blogger on Barstool. So you gotta hook my boy Hammerin’ Hank up here. Kid dresses like a good. Wears t-shirts and athletic shorts to work every day. He actually might be homeless. The other day someone mailed us beer (weird move, I know) and Hank just started drinking it. Warm, right out of the UPS truck. He’s a good dude, but man does he need a Miltons Makeover big-time. Thanks for the help bro! And don’t forget, you’re the BEST!