(Source) — According to an arrest affidavit, Boulder police were called at 6:45 p.m. Monday to 5610 Arapahoe Ave. after a witness saw a man — later identified as Richard Moller, 50 — jump into a Dumpster and begin beating two raccoons with a piece of wood that had nails sticking out of it. The witness said he could hear the raccoons “screaming and moaning” and said it appeared Moller was intentionally pushing the nails into the animals. The witness yelled at Moller, at which point he told the witness, “All raccoons must die,” then jumped out of the trash bin and left the scene, according to court records. When police found and questioned him, Moller told officers that he had watched raccoons kill his cat a few years ago, that he had a “glitch” of anger and, “It was my opportunity to kill the raccoons,” according to the affidavit.
I’m not a cat lover by any means, but I can respect this move from Richard Moller. If raccoons kill something you love then what other option do you have other than to avenge their death? I’ve seen superhero movies, I know how this shit works. Batman and Spiderman both decided to rid the world of thugs because thugs killed the ones they love. Ricky here made the same decision. His sole mission in life became hunting raccoons, killing raccoons at every opportunity. His superpower? A nailed 2 x 4. He was the hero Boulder needed. Look over in the dumpster! It’s a homeless bum! It’s a psychopath! No… it’s the Coon Killer*!
* Superhero name still being worked on