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PETA Claims If Your Mom Ate Buffalo Wings While She Was Pregnant It Could Have Given You A Small Dick

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BUFFALO, N.Y.The Queen City is known for its wings and the National Buffalo Wing Festival. However, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) is asking organizers to ban pregnant women from participating in the wing eating contest that’s part of the festival. PETA officials point to research from the Study for Future Families. “A study has come out that says when women consume chicken while pregnant, there’s actually a chance that their sons will have smaller than average penises,” said PETA associate director of campaigns Lindsay Rajt. PETA also says the study shows babies could be born with blocked arteries due to high cholesterol in chicken meat. Meanwhile, pregnant women in Western New York were surprised by the news. “I think that it’s silly. I ate poultry when I was pregnant and I have two children and they are perfectly fine,” said North Tonawanda resident Heather Albert. “They really never said anything about what to eat, and what not to eat. Just told me to be you know cautious of certain things and make sure I eat stuff so I won’t have low iron,” said Buffalo resident Candice Stewart. “I’ve never heard of that at all as far as like a man having small areas because of their mother or the women eating chicken wings,” said Buffalo resident Shawn West.
Every day I thank God I’m not a woman for this exact reason. Motherhood. Those ladies get blamed for everything. Have a cigarette while pregnant? Welp, that’s why your kid has asthma you Nicotine addict. Have a glass of wine? Way to give your kid retardation, drunk. Eat a buffalo wing watching some football? HAHAHA your kid has the littlest penis in all the land! Poor Ma can’t catch a fucking break. And that’s just before birth. After birth you need to worry about hugging him enough so that he doesn’t become a serial killer, but not too much so he wants to go Oedipus all over your ass. No thanks. Just a total crapshoot. I’ll stick to not being sober and buffalo wing free for 9 months then just playing catch with him every once in a while and blaming all his shortcomings on my wife’s (wife, HA!) child rearing skills.