Alright Where The Fuck Is This Plane?

Or maybe I should be asking…when the fuck is this plane? Planes don’t just up and disappear without some fishy shit going down. Here’s what we know so far – AKA what the internet is talking about:

Main things to worry about are that 2 passengers boarded with stolen passports – although apparently 1 of them was just seeking asylum from Iran so that quelled some of the terrorist talk. Also whats weird as fuck is that families of the passengers have been calling their cell phones, which ring, connect, and then hang up. This one chick was supposed to be on the flight but missed it, and now is convinced she’s gonna die like in Final Destination. Now all of that shit right there is probably completely made up or absolutely inconsequential but its enough for me to decide that some foul play is involved. I’ve been reading dumb ass True Detective theories on Reddit for about 8 weeks straight now and I need something to take the place of completely unfounded speculation and outlandish theorizing.

4. Aliens

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Ancient Astronaut Theorists are speculating that aliens just stole that shit. On some Star Trek Tractor Beam shit. I’ve watched Ancient Aliens enough. I know about extraterrestrial bases that sit at the bottom of the ocean. Wouldn’t be surprised if that plane is on some Alien runway in the Vietnam Gulf.

3. Hijacking

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I’m no CTU expert, but anyone “seeking asylum” still sounds like a terrorist to me. Hate the be that guy but if some shit goes wrong on a plane and there’s 2 Iranian dudes with sketchy details surrounding their travel, they still have to be prime suspect numero 1 and 2.

2. Desmond didn’t push the button

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Large burst of electromagnetic energy just straight up swallowed this plane up. Its probably flying right through the thick of the Vietnam War back in 1973. Everyone find a Constant, get a Daniel Faraday type of nerd on the line, and hope your nose doesn’t start bleeding.

1. This plane never even took off

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Whats more likely – this plane disappeared and never landed? Or this plane never even took off in the first place? Stage a couple recordings, pay off a couple air traffic controllers. Leave that shit in a hangar overnight and then David Copperfield that shit.  Just convince a couple hundred wacky Asians to keep quiet and stay off their phones while you accomplish whatever shady criminal activity you need to commit. Boom. Right under your nose, Malaysia.