This Rex Ryan Press Conference is Just So Jets I Can't Stand It

NY PostSo here was Rex Ryan facing the firing squad, for what absolutely would have been considered a fireable offense by cult followers of Boss Steinbrenner — exposing his starting quarterback to harm in Garbage Time, and sure enough, watching his starting quarterback’s throwing shoulder harmed playing behind the Jets’ backup offensive line. Ge-NO Smith (45.7 QB rating) had thrown three interceptions, absent-mindedly stepped out of the back of the end zone while chased by Mark Herzlich for a safety, and somehow, some way, Ryan had a worse night. As Wrecks Ryan. Call this one the brainfumble. Sanchez had already won the starting job by default, and yet Ryan decided it would be a good idea to have him work off the rust in the fourth quarter. Except a hungry Giants defensive tackle named Marvin Austin, who is fighting for a job, knocked the rust off Sanchez, and nearly knocked him into Jets West. Sanchez writhed in agony flat on his back for several minutes before walking off to have his shoulder iced on the sideline…

The prestigious Snoopy Trophy was lugged into the press conference room and positioned to the left of the podium where Ryan would stand. When he arrived, he posed with a MetLife Foundation check for $42,500 and acted and sounded as if his Jets, 24-21 overtime winners over the Giants, had just captured the Lombardi Trophy… Ryan became so agitated with one line of questioning he bizarrely turned his back to one reporter while providing an answer and turned sideways to another while giving another answer to make some kind of point.

This is such an embarrassment of riches I don’t even know where to begin.  This year’s Quarterback/Messiah dirties his diaper.  The previous Quarterback/Messiah gets thrown to the dogs behind an O-line of UDFA’s out of Hostra who’ll all be filling out job applications at their local Jiffy Lube next week and ends up in the hospital.  The NY press who were building a statue of Ryan three years ago are in a feeding frenzy and working OT on their wordplay (Ge-NOWrecks? Meh. But Brainfumble is gold, Jerry. Gold!).  And all this so the Jets can win the Snoopy Trophy?  The Snoopy goddamned trophy!  I feel like a guy who found treasure in a cave and can’t figure out how to haul it all away.  And it’s only Week 3 of preseason!  It’s like the Jets know it’s my birthday and wanted to make it special for me.  And they have.  Believe me, they have.

But the real Arkenstone of Thrain in this treasure trove is obviously Rex’s turning his back thing:

Just sheer genius.  And the gift that will last way beyond Dr. Scholl’s Jets career or Mark Sanchez’ health.  From now on when I take a big ration of shit from the Stool comments section, I’ll know how to handle it:


So thanks, Jets.  And especially you, Shrex.  You’ve given one geriatric Jets hating blogger with a messy office a very happy birthday.  @JerryThornton1