Live EventLIVE Reaction to Bachelor in Paradise Premiere: Cutting StemsWatch Now
Merchapolooza | 10% Off The Barstool Store When You Use Your Favorite Personality's CodeSHOP NOW

The Patriots Try to Talk Their Way Out of the Spygate II Scandal

The Patriots statement on their latest blatant example of cheating:

“On Sunday, Dec. 8, the content team sent a three-person video crew to the Bengals-Browns game at FirstEnergy Stadium in order to capture one part of a longer feature on the Patriots scouting department, in this case a Patriots pro personnel scout while he was working in the press box. While we sought and were granted credentialed access from the Cleveland Browns for the video crew, our failure to inform the Bengals and the League was an unintended oversight. In addition to filming the scout, the production crew — without specific knowledge of League rules — inappropriately filmed the field from the press box. The sole purpose of the filming twas to provide an illustration of an advance scout at work on the road. There was no intention of using the footage for any other purpose. We understand and acknowledge that our video crew, which included independent contractors who shot the video, unknowingly violated a league policy by filming the field and sideline from the press box.”

Aha! Nice try, New England Cheatriots! Like anyone would really believe you were pointing cameras around the stadium in Cleveland to do a feature on some advance scout. This was all clearly just a ruse to get a competitive edge against Zac Taylor's Bengals. Because you realized how hopeless the situation is. You couldn't possibly hope to stop the NFL's 31st-ranked offense or solve the puzzle of the 23rd-ranked defense unless you used skullduggery. So you pretended to be doing some behind-the-scenes documentary as a ruse to point cameras at the Bengals sidelines and unlock the secret of their success. 

For shame. And needless to say this is yet another scandal by the only team that has ever been credibly convicted of using electronic devices to gain an advantage. Besides the Giants, that is:

And the Steelers:

The Cowboys, for that matter:

The point is the Patriots have been caught dead to rights and they're trying to hide behind this notion they were just "innocently" doing a feature on their scout who was in Cleveland to do advance work for Sunday. When we all know they are the only team that would ever use electronic devices to their advantage. Right under the noses of Browns security. And God knows the defending champions need all the help they can get against the 1-12 Bengals, winners of the 1990 AFC Wild Card game. 

So well done, Cincy. This will stop those cheating Cheatriots from getting away with being the worst cheaters to ever cheat. The Patriots might talk like this is a simple matter that can be cleared up by showing the NFL the agreement they had with the Browns to do a documentary feature about a pro personnel guy. But you know better. I can only assume your franchise's first championship is coming in 2021. 

So long, New England's first round pick next year. You've been bagged yet again.