Probably The Best Hype Video Ever Made:

If you're wondering how I'm spending the next *checks Casio calculator watch* 146 some odd hours before Sunday then look no further than this one minute, 52 seconds masterpiece. It's Bears Packers week like I've said in my 4th straight blog and that means sharpening the mind. Staying tough. Knowing that come Sunday, the entire season is on the line and we gotta beat Aaron Rodgers to keep it going. 

I honestly don't know where to put my hands. I know that's a joke from Ricky Bobby but you gotta believe me when I say I really don't know what to do with myself. I've exhausted all the basic habits. Smoking, drinking, crushing Italian beef and ferociously masturbating, etc. to get over the stress levels and alas I find myself still needing more outlets. There is no proper channel to communicate my emotions so I might just take up magic. 

Magic?

Yes. Magic. 

That makes sense. 

I love everything about magic whether it's sleight of hand or disappearing acts or a simple card trick. Magic is fucking awesome. One time I sat next to a magician at this restaurant. It was one of those big farmhouse style tables so you sat next to randoms and I ended up next to a guy who made his money doing magic shows in Las Vegas. I said: that must have taken you forever to get that good at magic. 

He looked me dead in the face. 

It did Carl. Almost 20 years of my life devoted to magic and illusions.

I figure if I start dedicating myself to magic now - just go ALL IN on magic - I should be pretty good before I die. Maybe not headlining shows in Vegas or anything but I could probably get like a nice 20-30 person show going once or twice a month. Something intimate that lets the crowd get involved just enough to feel apart of the show and tell their friends but not enough where the mystique is compromised. That would fucking suck. 

Anyways, it's Bears Packers week and obviously I'm trying to distract myself so let's talk Star Wars for a bit. Personally I enjoyed the Darth Vader scene at the end of Rogue One, but obviously it wasn't necessary. While objectively bad ass, Vader's dominance subjugates the viewer's relationship with Jyn and Ersio. The story wasn't about the transmission - the story was about personal sacrifice in the face of a greater good. 

But what did viewers leave the theatre talking about? 

DUDE THAT DARTH VADER SCENE WAS SO SWEET

I'm not saying it wasn't sweet. I'm just saying the first 99% of the film takes a backseat to the last 1% on account of Vader's failure, and that's were I really start to go sideways. Vader wouldn't fail there. That's why he's Vader so let's just stop here and agree that the Bears +7 next Sunday is free money. 

Suggestions on how to stay distracted in Chicago this week can be emailed to carl@barstoolsports.com