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Cincinnati Man Finally Allowed Back In His Own Home After Bengals Beat Jets

I absolutely love this guy. You have to be a real sick fuck to love the Bengals so much that you’d be willing to sleep outside, on a roof, away from your family, for an undetermined amount of time because you simply cannot fathom losing a game to the Arizona Cardinals. You know when that game happened? OCTOBER SIXTH. It’s DECEMBER. This man has spent the last two months out on that goddamn roof because the Bengals outright refused to beat anybody.

Now, is it cheating to have such a luxurious set up on that roof? Undoubtedly yes. The set up this guy has on this roof would cost $3500 a month in Manhattan. But I’m not mad at him. I’m sure that thing has evolved over the TWO MONTHS he’s been stuck up there due to the Bengals inadequacies. Like week one was probably just a tent and a sleeping bag. Week two they got some lights. By week six my man was probably in contact with the city about zoning permits for building another story on top of this bar for a more permanent residence. He should celebrate his freedom by renouncing his Bengals fandom and announcing his Jets fandom because they’re the real heroes today. Without them blowing arguably the most winnable game left on their schedule that guy is probably on that roof until Christmas the earliest.