The Meet Market Breakdown - Musician Looking For Love

Meet David, a 24 year old musician looking for some lovin’ in the big apple.  The NY Post is setting him up with one of the following gals, and we’re here to help breakdown the contestants.

Meet Market - David will go out with one of these three girls. Who do you think he should date?

Contestant 1, Chelsea,24 years old : Visual merchandiser. She is: a workaholic. “I’m busy, so I’m a laconic communicator via phone but I’m 100-percent present when we’re together,” says Chelsea. She likes: guys with accents. “I’m 80 percent more likely to fall for a guy with an accent, no matter his looks or personality,” she explains. Guilty pleasure: the Spice Girls Pandora station. 

Meh.  Whatever is going on under that ensemble in the mid section is throwing me off.  I have a feeling it’s not too friendly under there.   She used the word laconic, and I refuse to even look it up.  Not looking too hot so far for our boy David.

Contestant 2, Shannon, 24 years old: Social network liaison. She is: outgoing. “I love going to new bars and making friends,” says Shannon. She likes: guys who are low-key. Pet project: She wants to get a dog this year. Celebrity crush: Bradley Cooper. Her jam: “Ignition (Remix)” by R. Kelly. On her DVR: “Brooklyn Nine-Nine”.  Turn-off: vegans

Before you mutts go crazy you have to think about the intangibles here.  Want’s a dog, likes Bradley Cooper,  hates vegans, and R. Kelly ignition is a serious jam.  Who am I kidding, moving along…

Contestant 3, Victoria, 25 years old: Ph.D. student. She is: an animal lover. “I currently own two rats and one kingsnake,” says Victoria. She wants: a navigator. “I have a bad sense of direction, so it would be nice if his is better,” Victoria says. Favorite cuisine: Ethiopian and Indian. Bar order: IPA. High times: She likes riding roller coasters and has gone skydiving. Turn-on: confidence.  Pet peeve: noisy eaters

A PhD is cool I guess.  But you know what isn’t? A chick that has rats as pets.  Pretty sure that’s extremely strange and nothing I want to be a part of.  Maybe it’s just me.  Her favorite food is Ethiopian, sounds interesting.  What kind of food is that? Nothing?

In conclusion do yourself a favor and go jump off the Brooklyn Bridge, David.